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SG1_jubilee fic: Naughty
Ronon
vain_glorious
Title: Naughty
Author: vain_glorious 
Recipient: </b></a>zinelady
Rating: PG-13
Prompt used: Daniel/Vala, Santa spanking involved, it can be discipline or kinky, I’m not picky. Anything up to NC-17.
Summary: Vala is naughty on a Christmas shopping trip.
Author’s notes: Unbeta’d, so apologies for egregious errors.


Taking Vala Mal Doran to the mall was a terrible idea. It had been terrible the first time someone had come up with it (Sam), terrible the second time someone had believed that the disaster that happened the first time was a one shot deal (Cam), and it continued to be terrible the third time someone had done it again despite the first two police reports (Teal’c). Daniel secretly believed that Teal’c had had every expectation that it would turn out exactly as it did (Very. Badly.), and had either done it because he felt kinship to an alien confined to base with nothing to do or because he couldn’t find the video rental he wanted and thought unleashing Vala on an unsuspecting Taur’i population would be equally entertaining. Now, no one ever accused him of that, because putting it into words just sounds absurd.

And now Daniel can’t mention it, because he did the exact same thing. During the height of Christmas shopping season. Even though he knew what happened the three previous times. He would have liked to think that he was smarter than that. Daniel even spent some time trying to figure out if Vala had drugged or manipulated him somehow, since why else would he have spontaneously suggested it.

But ultimately, he had no one to blame but himself. It was the holiday season, after all, and he had been feeling festive. He had wanted to do something nice that would make Vala happy. He had wanted to take his…hmm…take the person he was in….hmm…take Vala to the mall and do window shopping, catch a movie, act like a normal person for just one day.

All of which required that he not take Vala, of course.

But she got so excited when he said she could come. She was beginning to understand the gift-giving aspect of Christmas, and she had a list of items she wanted to purchase for certain members of the SGC. Daniel thought it was sweet, but not sweet enough that he wasn’t going to get his hands on that piece of paper and check it for work-place appropriateness. She wouldn’t show it to him, and he had frightening visions of her giving Siler a giant box of gay porn just because she thought she sensed something about him.

He didn’t think she could get that kind of inappropriate gift at the mall, anyway. And this way, he could keep an eye on what she was buying. Or stealing.

It started out well enough. Daniel will admit that after he pulled into the parking lot he realized what he was undertaking and got a little tense. He saw the crowds and got even tenser. He saw the Christmas decorations full of shiny ornaments and glitter and very nearly turned around and went back to the car.

He did not get snappish, though. And he was holding her hand – which was something nice and romantic, something she always tried to do when it was inappropriate, like in the Gateroom – not trying to restrain her or keep her within yanking distance at all times. Well, okay, maybe there was a little of that going on.
But he was totally justified in his paranoia. And Vala was completely in the wrong when she got pissed off and ditched him.

They were in Victoria’s Secret when the meltdown happened. All he did was tell her to stop trying to reposition the mannequins.

Vala’s face darkened. “Stop treating me like a child with no impulse control.”

“Hmm?” Daniel tilted his head. “Stop acting like one.”

She jerked her hand out of his grip. “I haven’t done anything wrong yet.”

“Yet,” Daniel agreed.

Vala didn’t bother to reply. She snatched hold of the nearest mannequin in a red and white velvet teddy with matching santa hat. In an instance, she had it undressed, at which point she shoved the naked thing at Daniel and flounced off towards the dressing rooms.

Daniel caught the mannequin before it hit the floor, awkwardly setting it back up on its leggy pedestal. In doing so, he was of course holding it up by its plastic boobs. Customers were staring and he felt his cheeks start to burn. Quickly, he let go and backed off.

“I wasn’t,” he started to say. “Oh, forget it. Vala, we are so leaving!”

He turned towards the dressing rooms. A sales associate immediately blocked his path.

“Sir?” She planted herself in front of him. “May I help you?”

“Yes,” Daniel said. “I need you to go back there and find the woman I came with. She’s about yay-tall, black hair, utterly insane.”

The sales associate used her headset to relay that description – minus the insane bit - back to another employee. She didn’t move from her position blocking Daniel’s way, giving him time to wonder when the lingerie industry started to incorporate military-style headgear and radios.

He didn’t wonder about that long. The sales associate heard something in her earpiece and started to frown. “She’s gone and so is the merchandise she was trying on.”

“What?”

Daniel moved past her, coming upon another employee standing bewildered in front of an empty changing stall.

“Shit,” he said, “Shit!”

He turned around, heading for the store exit. Abruptly, the original sales associate was in front of him again. “Sir,” she said sharply. “I must ask you to pay for that merchandise your companion took.”

“What? No, I’ll return it when I find her.”

“That’s not acceptable, sir,” she said. “Don’t make me call security on you.”

“On me?” Daniel froze. “Fine. I’ll pay for it. But call security anyway, on her.”

“Yes, sir. That’ll be seventy-eight dollars and forty-seven cents.”

Daniel had already reached for his wallet and he stopped with his fingers flipping open the billfold. He didn’t have that kind of cash on him. Coldly, he took out his credit card and handed it to the angry lingerie-special ops lady.

Finding Vala wasn’t actually difficult. He just went the direction that all the outraged parents and their children were streaming from, until he reached the corridor strewn with Christmas lights and fake snow – Santa’s Workshop.

Cold horror settled into Daniel’s stomach as he pushed he way past the hoards of staring customers.

Vala was sitting on Santa’s lap. Well, reclining on Santa’s lap, really, her legs crossed at the knee and her arm entwined around his neck. And she was indeed wearing the outfit Daniel had just paid for, complete with hat. The poor guy was sitting frozen, white-gloved hands dangling awkwardly at his sides. As Daniel moved closer, he heard Vala’s plaintive voice:

“…and lastly, all I really want, Santa, is for them to trust me just a little, teensy bit. But if I can’t have that, I’ll take more treasure.”

Daniel decided there was no discreet way of dealing with this. Mall security was on their way and at this rate they were both going to end up in handcuffs. He walked up to the platform and stepped up besides the chair.

“Hi,” he said tightly. “I’m very sorry.”

Vala turned her head towards him. “That’s him, Santa,” she said.

Daniel ignored her. He reached out and grabbed her tightly around the waist, fingers slipping in the velvety fabric of her ridiculous outfit. Once he had hold, he hoisted her up off of Santa and swung her bodily over his shoulder, folding his arms around her torso so she shouldn’t move her arms.

Vala very easily could have gotten free. And he wasn’t sure how mad she was, so he was half expecting a flailed foot to the groin or for her to slither forward and sink her teeth into his ass. She didn’t resist, though, probably enjoying this.

Daniel tried to put an end to that. He let her droop further over his shoulder, then readjusted his arms such that his left hand swung free. And then he brought it down sharply on Vala’s red felt-covered ass.

She jerked in his arms and gave a little gasp. An excited little gasp, which was not the reaction he’d been intending. But then he did it again, anyway, and she arched in his hold.

Daniel caught sight of what looked like a trailer parked around the corner – it was covered in fake snow and labeled with a sign about being Santa’s Elves’ Photo Shop. The door was open and it was just far back enough to be a decent place to get out of sight. He made a beeline towards it, swatting Vala a couple more times on the way.

It was indeed a trailer, and it was blessedly empty of elves or people. Daniel kicked the door shut and looked around. A desk was against the wall, laden with a computer and a pile of camera equipment. There was a large swivel chair positioned in front of it.

That was as much as he saw before Vala wiggled down from his shoulder, planted her hands in his chest, and shoved him into the chair. And then she slapped him across the face, hard enough to sting and turn his head.

“Vala,” he began.

“Shh,” she said, climbing into his lap, feet on either side of him. “No talking.”

She grabbed hold of his jaw and she leaned forward, bringing their lips together hard enough that he felt teeth.

“Oh,” he said, as her tongue invaded his mouth. “Okay.”

Vala bit him, and that was the last thing he said until they were sneaking out of the mall several hours later, when Vala suggested they obtain the male version of her teddy.

“No,” he said.

“But your ass looks good in red,” Vala said, and brought her palm down soundly on the subject at the same time. hit counter script

~Please feed the author~

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